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In life, we have all heard of the saying, the pasture is always greener over the fence. By this, it means that we tend to overlook what we have in our possession, but envy and vie for other things that others have.   That’s reality, be it in our home, our office and the world at large.  And we can apply this to a lot of situation.

Take the case of  office.  How often we hear of about staff, our bosses or even ourselves sometime lament over what others have and can do.   In situation as this, we tend to undermine our own strengths, our abilities and  the treasures within us and within our control.  When this happens, we tend to see the strengths of the others, and compare them to the weakness of ourselves.  

No one is perfect and ideal,  as such if we can leverage on the positive, the strengths,  we can then combine this for a common purpose, ignoring the negatives and weakness.   When we give focus  and more importance to the shortcomings,  we are then  looking for our weakness and criticize  basing on these,  sidelining and ignoring all the other positive factors accumulated over the years.  It is sad to see big bosses, blinded to these, and go for so called best practices, newer breed of people that they believe delivers results and their key performance indicators.  When this happens, what I see then is people replacing longer term goals and objectives with short term gains.  It is then replaced with give me the results for whatever it takes.  Recognition and reward  is purely by way of results.  It is not to say the olden ways is not driven by results,  but  the results has to take cognizance of longer term needs to be done, but cause a short term setback. 

The present day phenomena as such breeds  unhealthy buildup such as  back stabbing, silo mentality, a break-up against a total organization.  While people will not admit it,  this is the case at ground level.  If it is nothing to do with me, forget it. If people do not ask for it, forget it.  Gone are the days, where guidance , coaching , real mentoring takes place from the supervisor.  Nowadays, it is either I say you listen, or if you cannot deliver, you are not good enough.  It’s a dog eat dog world now. One is as good as delivering your next result, the past is immaterial.

Imagine how one started with all the positive, the strengths, but as time goes by, shifted to the weaknesses.   If we can reflect and realize this,  then we must constantly remind ourselves to always go back to the original moment, when we place focus on the strengths that we first employ someone, we first befriend someone or when we marry our partner, then we will always be able to sustain the relationship and the passion.  In my working years,  I have seen employee being treated well for good performance, but over time sidelined and marginalized.  Why, not because they are not good enough, but managing the perception, selling yourself is key, not the result.  Because of perceived new traits that are found in so called new talent.

Take another case of the family,  how eager and passionate when one enters into a new relationship.  Over time, things are taken for granted. We look at the other girls/women who are more desirable. So what then, one start to find fault with your own wife, girl-friends, children, parents.  We think well of other people’s wife, girlfriend, children, mother or even maid.  The truth is, we ourselves are changing our own thinking.

A bird in hand is better than 2 in the bushes.  So let us reflect on what we have on hand, the good things that you can have and do now.  And let’s work towards rekindling the spirit and find the reasons and passions you once had. We will all be happier.

Posted by

Ivan

Last week, someone sent me an email and recommend that I view the video.  The video takes about 19 minutes. After viewing it, I felt strongly that it carries a very strong message that I must share with you. It about a near death experience, although it talks a brain doctor narrating her personal experience. It took her 8 over years to recover and then be able to share her experience.

What captivates me is the how the real life experiences that is compatible  with my own belief that my religion taught and moulded me.  I am not here to talk about religion,  but her call to all that is compatible with my belief and value system that one must embrace to make this world a better place.  I believe all religion is about good, about good value  that promotes peace, happiness and about doing good in this world.  It is only the people who have sinister motive that use it to manipulate for selfish motives.

Dr Jill Bolte Taylor  is a brain doctor,  talks about the brain,  the left and right brain and its functions.  Each serves a particular purpose, and in the process how it controls our view of life, and in the process how we react to it and acted out our own lives. In her narration, she talks about not seeing herself as an individual being, but an energy,  one that blends, and fuses with her surrounding, her environment.  While sensing an individual self, she saw herself merging back with her surrounding, her environment.  In my own belief, this is merging ourselves with the  Universe.  In death,  my own belief system taught me that my life fuses back with the Universe, and I find her narration strongly supporting what I have learned to believe.

In this process, one must must learned to see oneself not as a separate being, but connected to the world we are in.  Man and environment is not separate, as is the concept of the inseparability of the fish and water. So one must not blame it on the others.  Whatever, one does, one must always have the welfare of his surrounding, its people in mind. One must start with his own family, the people near to him.  Our actions/inaction have a direct impact to the people around us.  In so doing, one can bring changes, laughter and happiness to his family, his work place and who knows, his community and country.

The world we are in today is not getting better.  While the world has progressed in many aspects,  human life and humanity does seem to have taken many steps backward.  And what has caused this.  It is us human being, what we have learned, what we have done to this environment.  Some labeled this as due to human greed, human stupidity and human anger.

Dr Jill ended with a very apt call to us,  to reflect what we are, where are we now, and what do we want to do.  It is all about choice, our own choice to act or not to act.   I hope you can find the time to view this fascinating video.

View this : Dr Jill Bolte Taylor Video

Do leave a comment.

Posted by

Ivan

Today, as a career person, one tends to spend a lot of time in the office.  So much so, that we don’t even realise that we spend more time in the working environment than our own home.  A typical day of 8.00 am - 6.00 pm takes away 10 hours. And when we are back home, sleep itself takes up at least 7 hours. That leaves 7 hours to be shared about travelling, doing all sorts of unnecessary things to get by. On a normal working weekday, it takes me about 4 to 5 hours to travel to and back from office.  So how much of real time is really left with us for rejuvenating ourselves. Very little.

So it makes sense that one must learn to keep a stress free and happy working relationship in the office, be it with the superior, the peers or the subordinates so that on a daily basis, the majority of the time, we remain at a higher state of life and become happy.

Unfortunately, in our daily intereactions at the office, our mood and behaviour tend to be affected by the relationship with the office colleagues that we intereact with and from my experieonce, one such intereaction that can be unduly stressful, is having to deal with disciplining staff.  Or so they say problematic staff.  To some, this comes easy, to many others, this leads to uneasiness, sleeplessness and unhappiness and in the process brings this emotional setback back to his home and the family becomes the victim.

Handling such staff is an awful stressful matter, which is why many people remained to become a specialist and can only work by themselves free from managing others.

As a superior, how is one going to manage the situation.  My opinion is that even though you may be very senior, but yet when the situation requires it, one may feel stressed up and unable to handle it well.

The cause of this is predominantly due to fear and the lack of self-confidence.  Such situation requires sincerity and truthfulness which requires a frank, open discussion and dialogue.  In my experience, one has to face the issue straight-on, to be brank but yet sincere. The issue is how does one convey the message that needs to be conveyed so thatthe other party feels the same way, that is the need to improve, failing which action is certain.  That is where experience comes in, and if not some pre-preparation needs to be done before getting into it.  At the end, it is whether the staff feels that he has been given the oportunity, to hear, to be heard and also the time to improve.

Such understanding and relationship needs to be build and work upon, instead of being left to changes. The best is to be sincere in engaging a frank dailogue, be sincere and serious.  One must not just believe in it, but to walk the talk and behave as such.

Posted by

Ivan

Life is such mystical.  When one sees despair and destitute in the unfortunate,  one cannot help but feel sorry and empathises with these group of people.   But then life is how one makes it out.  My belief   moulded by what I learned and inculcated along the many years hard trotted path tells me that it is not what one is endowed with that matters.  It is what one determines to make out of it.

I believe that each and everyone of us are borned into this world for a purpose and reason.  And it is only for he and himself to discover it and to live it out.  A lot of people who came into this world who have never tasted the bitterness of life at such level would not have understood.  Sometimes, with good intent, we tend to say we understand.  In reality, we do not.  Until and unless, one has undergone the same experiences and situation,  he would not be able to feel the pain that the person is undergoing. 

On the extreme, we see people who came into this world with lots of complaints, complaints about so many things in life,  as if the world owes it to him.    It is only when we reflect upon on matters deep enough that we realise that we only be able to take from this world equivalent to whatever effort we put in. 

It was only a while ago that someone handed  me a video.  After watching it,  I felt so strongly that I should share this with you all.    Tony Melendez is without arms,   and who could imagine that someone with  such deformities can make such great efforts to scale to great heights as in the words of the Pope , to go round the world to spread the Gift of Hope.     Such is a good life example that can bring untold inspirations to those who are fully normal but requires others to motivate and inspire them.  This is indeed making the impossible possible.

See for yourself in this video

Who could have imagine a Guitar player without arms? Toe Jam is one such amazing example of someone who perseveres to this stage. How inspiring?

Please share this if you find it inspiring.

Posted by
Ivan

I went on a trip to London,  just to see how my son settle down who left for London a month earlier to start his 3 years undergraduate study at the London School of Economics. It  dawn on me that things are so expensive overseas , especially if someone from the Asian countries is travelling to Europe, with the Pound Sterling as high as 6.49 just over 3 months ago.    It  was just recently that I had  this discussions with some friends about sending children overseas for education which is very costly.  At today’s rate, sending a kid to complete a course in London would cost almost 75,000 Sterling Pound which when converted to the Asian currencies, is enough for the retirement of many. So the question of whether it is worthwhile  sending one’s kid overseas  is debatable. 

I am surprised that there are many parents out there who I know  are financially capable, but seem unwilling to part with the big sum of money, and eventually settle with some local education.  I am not saying that local education is no good, but given the choice of a good university, I think as parent, we should not let the children down.   There is this wise saying of  “Give a person a fish, you will feed him a day, Teach him how to fish, you  will feed him a life-time”.

I suppose I subscribe to the idea of the later part and this begins my wife and I working on our travel and holiday plan, booking of hotels and air travel,  travel insurance etc.

My trip to London was  to see how my son settle down, so my 8 days travel  was centered  solely around London.

Day 1 – Over a weekend , rented a car from EuropCar and checked in and stayed a Putow Farmhouse, located just about 18 miles east of London, near a small town Dunmow.  Cost is very reasonable at Sterling Pound 55 a night that comes with full English breakfast for a couple. Had dinner at a pub called  “The Black Lion”  within a short distance from farmhouse.

Day 2 – Drove to Cambridge Town which is north-east of London, and spent some time in town, before driving down to London Town to drop the luggage for my son.  Headed of to dinner at a Chinese restaurant in  China Town before heading  back to Putow Farm
 
Day 3 – Drove around Great Dunmow town a short distance from the farmhouse, walk-around shopping, had tea at a  very nice Tea House by the Lake, and then dinner at another pub called Axe and Compass.

Day 4 – 8  Checked  out of farmhouse and checked  into a studio unit at  the Citadines at Tralfagar Square right in City center, just opposite my son’s Residence in Northumberland Avenue for convenience.  Price a bit pricey at Pound 130.

On day 4 -  attended a friend son’s graduation ceremony at the Imperial College, conducted at the Royal Albert Hall   

Spend a lot of time walking around and probably covered 30 Kilometer of walking for the 4 days, visiting places around Trafalgar Square over the next few days. Places visited included    Trafalgar Square , Leciester Square,  Coventry Garden/Open Market , British Museum, LSE Campus Area – around Houghton, Kensington Park/Hyde Park – A long walk across both Hyde Part and Kensington Park, Bayswater Area  - along the streets of Bayswater area.  The Whiteleyse Mall  around the corner is also a good shopping stop. 

Recommended places to have meal includes
- Four Seasons  Restaurant at both  China Town   and  Bayswater
- Cheng Chuan Ku  China Town
- New Fortune Cookie Restaurant next to Queensbay Tube station

Day 9 – Checked into a budget hotel, Premier Inn near London Heathrow Airport  for convenience for next morning boarding flight.  Rate of 55 Sterling Pound , though without breakfast was value for money. Reach home  early morning next day after 13 hours flight, and gone through the usual jet lag for the next couple of days.

My friends have asked that for spending so much money, and just staying put in London which is extremely costly and whether it is worth .   My plan was to visit my son to see that he is well settled down for his next 3 years course.  As a parent, I can only say that it brings me great satisfaction to see the children grow up, and be able to be independent. There is no greater satisfaction than to give them the best which will stay with them wherever they go.  And I am looking forward to at least another trip to visit London, before he completes the 3 year programme.

Posted by
Ivan