Finding Your Own Happiness
I choose the topic of sustaining happiness because I think that we are mostly happy at one time or another. The issue is only how does one keep sustaining the level of happiness for a longer duration. With happiness, there is also sadness, for without sadness what then is happiness.
This an a universal sought after. Be it someone from the Artic down to the Antartica, . The topic is extremely wide and varied and the writer would like to share his opinion, understanding and offer those few tips and tricks that he encountered and picked up along this journey.
Happiness
Perhaps at the fundamental level, we must at first try to understand what Happiness stands for and what it means to us. Our upbringing, background , environment , educational level and many other factors shape our outlook towards life and what life stands for. From this, subconsciously, we all view Happiness in different light. So at the fundamental level, one must do some soul-searching and determine for himself what constitute Happiness is to him, and no one else except him. The essence is Happiness means different thing to different individual.. This definition can take on lengthy debate, but suffice to say, it would not do much good to get into an analysis paralysis situation and defeat the purpose of the article.
From my own experiences, I am aware that there may be a spiritual definition of the term Happiness, but for this article, I would rather focus on as it applies to the secular world.
If there is ever a universal gauge on happiness, and a measure of the degree of happiness, we could then see whether there is any difference..To my knowledge, there is non. For instance can we say that a rich man is more happy than a poor man. This I would say not.
Is Happiness a state or a journey. I am sure we can say that we are all happy at various point in time but the question is that how do we sustain and maintain that level of happiness.
So, we now need to define Happiness within our own context.. And let us not confused it with Success in life. For success in life enompasses the ingredient of happiness, and without happiness where then is success.
My tips in my own journey to seek out and sustain my happiness level involves the following;
• Keeping a balance/harmonious lifestyle – In life, there is so many things we want and we want to do. God is fair in that we are all given the same amount of time per day to do what we want. How much and what to do is all within our control. Doing certain thing and achieving it will also mean that we have to forego another thing which might fill the time had we not used it for another thing. So what we do, how we spend our time, and with who is entirely up to us. I read somewhere that aptly put it across that just as in a theater play, in life we are the producer, script director, actor . and the audience as well – all in one . So how we want to act out our life is entirely up to us. We must maintain a harmonious balance so as not to focus too much of one aspect, neglecting the others. Like the Chinese says, the Yin and the Yang.
• Make Necessary Changes & start by changing yourself – The world view we held invariably brings us to seggregate between individual self and the outside world. That is me , you.. There was this beautiful Quote that I encountered and made it a point to paste it up where I can easily see. I am sure many of you would have read it, a bit lengthy but start with Header as follows;
– Start with Yourself
“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older, and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.
But it, too seemed immovable.
As I grew into my twilight years, in the one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realise, If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.”
Anonymous
• Take Action/Do not procrastinate – Human by nature is lazy for we tend to want to put of things to do to tomorrow. I remember reading an article that gave good advice as in “Doing your next few days work into today”. Come to think of it , this is pretty powerful. Try doing it and you will see what I mean, the reasult is amazing. And you will not have nagging and hassle from your spouse and bosses.
• Communicate & Communicate – The world we are in today are fraught with much animosity, hatred and violence. Much of this can be attributed to misunderstanding, and misunderstanding arise from mistrust. And why would there be mistrust if there is adequate communication. Imagine those quarrel and unpleasant episodes at the home and at the office. We tend to make assumption based on our own knowledge and value and assume others carry the same. The reality is not, and we must communicate and communicate enough, to carry out sincere dialogue during complex and complicated situation. Only with sincere effort and understanding arising from the communication, we can learn to live, work and co-exist in harmony.
• Learn to Say No – Many a times, when we succumb to courteousy and graciousness only to feel regret over an earlier decision, makes a lingering troubling thought that spoils the day. So learning to say No, politely and firmly needs to be learnt. In my country, we have a culture where people are friendly, polite and helpful. Looking at the crimes that are committed today, and especially learning from those internet circlated horror stories of the modus operandi of the crimes , it now pays to be able to say No to strangers when we have to think of self interest and security. A lesson I learnt many years back is that people are feel pressed to oblige and in so doing, are coerced into agreeing to something and later realise the mistake. I have since learnt to put on hold to any decision, and where and immediate “No” is not an appropriate one for the situation, try to stall for time, to check on certain things first. This will buy the person time to think things through and seek advice before making a commitment.
• Take your Vacation – A periodical break is essential to refresh both the body and the mind. At the same time, to allow you to take in new things.. In our daily routines, there is always this excuse of putting the trip of to a future date. Well maybe, by then this will happen and that will happen, and then I can go for the vacation. We tend to put on the chain on ourself, we have this meeting to attend, that meeting to schedule… Really, what happened when we fall ill, the meeting still goes on or worst is just re-scheduled. Or do we find that there are more important people who should attend the meeting, but they can be absent. It is good to be a person that is of value and required to be around, that we are indispensble. But in reality, we must work on the basis that nobody is indispensible. Take and enjoy a carefree holiday as one holiday slogan says , without lock and door.
• Take and accept responsibility – When things do fall apart, it is better to accept the responsility, take the necessary action to rectify the situation, and move on. Let the past mistake be the past, we can only look forward and not be kept saddled with yesterday’s mistake and accountability. In my encounter with mistakes, I find that people are more forgiving and will not pursue when there is acceptance of responsibility and geniune desire to make good and move forward. Of course, such mistakes should not be recuring or else, one has to seriously re-aasessed his own abilities and capabilities.
• Learn to Forgive and Forget/Letting it go – I had several encounters with friends that have harboured within themselves , many years of conflict that they encountered long ago. And refusing to forget and forgive. And I find that each time when they relate to the incidents, they bring back very paintful memories and sadness. Hanging on to such baggage does more harm to the individual. It takes a lot of courage to forgive and only when we are magnaminous enough that we find solace and happiness.
• Accept differences and diversity – From where I was borned and raised, we take pride in being a very good role model country where there is diversity in races and people who live harmoniously. Each has its own culture and value system but in general, people learned to accept the differences and be tolerant. As in family and organisation, these are reflected into difference capability, skills, expertise or opinions, needs and wants. Acknowledgment of such difference, and leveraging the strength of the individual goes a long way to a harmonious and happy environment.
• Be appreciative of what you have while you strive for more – There is this illustration of using a glass half-filled with water to illustrate the concept. Personally, I have seen 2 aspect. From management training perspective, I was told to critic the half empty phenomena which is to use this deficiency as a drive to attain more. Half is not enough. So much for motivation. On the personal basis, if you visit someone and he serves you half the glass, be thankful of the half filled glass, though I don’t see why people would fill it to half. When we look around ourself, our family, what we have attained so far, be thankful and appreciative and accept whatever shortcomings and deficiences that comes with it.. Try not to compare with others. In this way, one feels happier while we work on improving further, comparing ourselves with yesterday. If we can improve on ourselves everyday, is this not what we seek out in life.
• Keeping a Healthy Lifestyle – People say that health is wealth, and this very true in that without health, wealth no matter how much is of no value. The very essence of a healthy body goes a long way to making a healty mind, although we do see people who though may not healthy but still maintain a very healthy and positive mind.
For some people, the above may be seen as lethargic, non-progressive approach but really, it is sometimes this greed that we harbour that drives us to keeping wanting for more, and when we do not get it, we become unhappy.
Just as in life, happiness is mystical, and as man seeking to understand it more, hewill find that they are still unexplained phenomena and more unknown uncovered. As man continue to seek further knowledge on this topic, let us individual not dwell into all the “if” and “but”, but instead embrace it and maintain a state of mind that we can say we are at a good level of happiness in Life.
Yours truly,
Ivan
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